What to Expect When Liz Lemon is Expecting
by Noie84
Summary: Jack finally becomes CEO. Liz finally gets pregnant.
1. Chapter 1

_Month #1:_

When Jack gets promoted to CEO, Liz decides to try artificial insemination. Normally, the two events should not be related. After all, on the surface, Jack's ascent in the corporate world and her ticking biological clock are two wildly disparate things. But Liz sees the connection immediately: Jack has successfully achieved his dream – the one thing he's always wanted. Liz now wants to do the same.

Surprisingly, she succeeds on her first try. It's probably the first time she's succeeded at doing _anything _the first time around. What's even more surprising is that the happiest moment of one's life should not take place in a public bathroom. But when Liz sees the bright pink line on the home pregnancy test while sitting in the bathroom stall at work, she's pretty sure she's never felt more exhilarated and optimistic about her future. She's not sure how good of a mother she'll be, but she hopes the fact that she wanted this so badly gives her a leg up as a potential parent.

_Month #2:_

Jack's promotion forces him to move to Connecticut. The distance between GE headquarters and 30 Rock is not great, but Jack gets consumed with his new role and the two inadvertently lose touch. When Liz finds out she's pregnant, she contemplates calling him to let him know – it would certainly be a valid reason for contacting him – but she's figures, you know, he's an important CEO now and has other things to worry about.

She never calls. It's probably for the best.

_Month #3:_

As someone who never discriminates when it comes to food and embraces any strange culinary oddity with open arms, throwing up in public is a pretty run of mill experience for her. But throwing up in front of your former boss (Or wait, he's still her boss, isn't he? He's the boss of everything now) is an experience that leaves Liz completely shame-faced.

"Lemon!" She hears the familiar voice before she sees his face as she's about to enter the building.

"Jack!" She whirls around, and instinctively wraps her arms around his neck in a brief enthusiastic hug. She immediately steps back when she notices that he's flanked by several other men in dressed in business suits. "I mean…hello, Mr. Donaghy."

Jack smiles at her awkward attempt at formality and says, "Gentleman, this is Elizabeth Lemon, head writer of TGS." He steps closer to her and casually rests his hand on her shoulder. "I mentored this woman for four years and, aside from being unable to influence her inferior wardrobe choices, I am extremely satisfied with the results."

Liz opens her mouth in an attempt to deliver a witty quip in response – something about how you don't need to wear designer duds to be good at your job – but before she can utter a word, it happens. She briefly contemplates running into the lobby and using the bathroom there but she knows she won't have enough time. So she makes an executive decision and grabs a coffee cup from one of the pedestrians passing by on the sidewalk, ignores the man's indignant cry of protest, lifts the lid and vomits into the cup. The men clad in business suits and the pedestrian gasp and take a dramatic step back.

Jack's face is a mixture of concern and disgust, but to his credit, he slowly takes the cup from her and disposes it in the nearest trashcan. "Are you okay?" He whispers in her ear, one hand slowly rubbing her back. Liz grimaces and nods in response. Her eyes are fixed on the sidewalk because she's pretty sure she's never going to be able to look Jack in the eye ever again after this.

Once Jack is satisfied that Liz isn't going to hurl again, he tells his business entourage to meet him upstairs. He then slips $20 to the man whose coffee was unjustly stolen and says, "Ah, and I'm sorry for my friend here. She is not well."

"Well, that was awesome." She mutters, after the witnesses leave and when Jack directs his attention back at her.

"What happened to you? Did Georgian chuckle find its way to New York City? Or did you consume some other abominable food item?"

She shakes her head. "I'm sorry to say the blorching is not food related."

"Then you must be really sick. We have to take you to a doctor." Jack is about to pull out his cell phone to make the necessary phone call, but Liz's hand on his wrist stops him.

"No. I'm okay, really."

"Liz, I find that hard to believe. Spontaneous vomiting is only normal if you're pregnant."

Liz's finally does look up at him, and the slight twinkle in her eye causes him to gape in surprise. "Really?"

She nods excitedly, relieved that she's finally able to share the news and that the first person she tells is the one person she's wanted to confide in most of all. Jack's hands unexpectedly lift her up in the air and she lets out a surprised giggle. When he sets her down gently, his warm smile makes her regret not telling him when she first found out.

"So, who's the father?" Her smile falters when he asks this unavoidable question.

"Donor #583." His smile fades slightly, which causes her to add a reassuring, "Hey, at least it's not Dennis, right?"

He ignores her attempt at deflection and asks, "You're happy? With the artificial insemination route?"

She sighs. "I actually am, Jack. I didn't want to miss out on the experience of being a mom just because I don't understand anything about dudes. So…I decided to go ahead and do this alone. And this is the most excited and happy I've been in my entire life." He's searching her face and she braces herself for an interrogation, but luckily his phone begins to buzz just in time.

"You probably need to go." She says, pointing to the phone. "Do important CEO stuff."

He dutifully checks his phone and grimaces at the screen. "Unfortunately, I actually do." He places his hand on the small of her back and says, "I'll walk with you to the elevator." During their walk, they easily slip back to the their effortless rapport and Liz realizes how much she missed interacting with him like this on a daily basis. When they reach her floor, Liz mutters an awkward and reluctant goodbye and exits the elevator. Before she rounds the corner, Jack hastily shoves his arm in between the doors to prevent them from closing and calls out after her, "Liz, I believe a celebratory dinner is in order. Don't you?"

Baffled at the unexpected – but welcome - invitation, she jokes, "I'm not sure you can afford to take me out to dinner - I'm eating for 2 now after all. Which for me really means 20."

"Well, luckily for us I run a fortune 500 company and, as such, I earn an obscene amount of money." He smirks.

"In that case, buddy, I wanna go someplace where people call you ma'am and sir and it's not said sarcastically."

Satisfied with her response, he steps back into the elevator and before the doors shut in front of him, he says smoothly, "Be ready at 8. I'll pick you up."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Month 4:**

After their celebratory dinner, weekly meals quickly become part of their routine. Sometimes it's breakfast before a shareholder meeting. Other times, Jack will show up at her office unannounced with subs from her favorite sandwich shop in the middle of the day. Liz finds herself enjoying the dinners the most though. Because Jack always takes her someplace nice – a place that encourages her to change out of her ratty day clothes and forces her to put on a dress and look pretty. The date-like feel of these evenings makes her feel like she isn't quite doing this alone. That she has a man in her life that cares about her, who is emotionally invested in what happens to her and her baby.

Of course, she never deludes herself into completely believing this illusion. She knows that after their dinners, after Jack walks her to her door and says goodnight, he most likely has plans with women younger, prettier and less pregnant than her. The thought, surprisingly enough, never makes her jealous. She just feels sad. And, sometimes, coming down from these exhilarating post-dinner highs, is enough to make her cry.

One night, she is in her bed watching Fallon and she's currently in one of those melancholy moods because Jack took her to a restaurant that night which served the best dessert she ever had. She got the tiramisu; he ordered a slice of Boston cream pie. "To commemorate the greatest city in the world, Lemon," he explained with the smirk. When she predictably rolled her eyes, his affectionate smile in response made her feel…_something_. Loved? Well, maybe loved is not the right word. It certainly made her feel nice. And warm. And fuzzy. It made her realize that she liked the way Jack looks at her (more than she probably should).

Her mind is consumed with thoughts of babies and food and Jack, when she gets a text from the man himself.

** Jack Donaghy:**

_Breakfast tomorrow?_

Without hesitation, Liz grins and fires off a quick response.

** Liz Lemon:**

_Believe it or not, I'm actually going to have to turn down free food. I have an ultrasound appointment tomorrow. Sorry, buddy._

Liz is utterly surprised by immediate text she gets in response.

** Jack Donaghy:**

_You still need to eat. I'll join you and we can get breakfast afterwards._

Well, this is certainly unusual. Liz knows she should protest (boundaries!), but it would be nice for once to not be the recipient of pitiful looks from the other expectant mothers who ask her about the nonexistent father to her baby. And it would also be nice to go to the doctor's office with her head held high and not feel like a loser. So she happily accepts Jack's offer.

The next morning, Jack's car promptly picks her up at 7. Despite hardly being a morning person, the minute she gets into the car she enthusiastically launches into a detailed description of what's going on with the baby at this stage in the pregnancy.

"So can you believe that apparently this kid is already the size of your palm?" She grabs one of Jack's hands to demonstrate, but then frowns when she sees how big his hands are. "Well, maybe not _your_ palm. Your hand is huge."

Jack smirks and extracts his hand from her grasp. "Possessing large hands is a strong sign of masculinity, Lemon. It's certainly nothing for me to be ashamed about." He glances down at Liz's hand, before lifting it up and examining it. "But I'm sure the book meant the size of_ your_ palm. That seems more reasonable."

She sucks in a breath at the feel of his hand grasping hers before saying, "Yeah. I prefer not to give birth to a freakishly large baby."

"I also believe you can determine the sex of the baby at this stage, correct?"

"Yeah, but I decided I'm not going to. I mean, I'm going to love it regardless of whether it has a penis or a vagina."

"And I assume in a desperate and naïve attempt to curb cultivating any gender bias, all of your baby related purchases will be gender neutral anyway."

"Exactly." Liz then sits back in her seat and stares out the window, observing the New York hustle and bustle on the sidewalks when Jack begins speaking again.

"I would want to know in advance, I think." He announces.

Liz raises her eyebrows in surprise. "I thought you didn't want kids."

He clears his throat and seems almost embarrassed before revealing, "To be honest Lemon, watching your excitement…seeing you evolve…has started to change my mind on the subject."

She assumes, of course, that Jack's hypothetical future baby mama will be the polar opposite of her. So Liz is both dismayed and flattered that she's gotten him to change his mind about such an important topic.

"Well, I'm sure you'll have a chance to become a father. You're Jack Donaghy! If you want something, you get it."

She playfully punches his arm and Jack nods decisively before looking away and saying, "Truer words never spoken, Liz."

**Month 5:**

Now that the horrendous morning sickness phase is behind her (and, boy, is the term 'morning sickness' a misnomer –"morning, afternoon and night sickness" is more like it), she thought the second trimester would be smooth sailing until the third trimester when she'd get too big to move. She certainly didn't count on being constantly agitated and tired.

"Pete!" She calls out from her office while sitting behind her desk and riffling through the mountain of papers in front of her. "I told you I needed Tracy's rehearsal schedule by noon so I can go over it and it's not here!"

Pete timidly tiptoes into her office, calmly extracts a small binder from underneath Liz's stack of random papers and speaks slowly as if she was a child. "Liz. It's right here. I put it on your desk this morning."

Liz's anger quickly fades away and then irrationally morphs into indignant rage, "Well, how was I supposed to see it underneath all my crap? Did you ever think of _that,_ you balding goon?" Pete is about to open his mouth – although what kind of rejoinder he can come up with to her question eludes him – but Jack enters her office and interrupts their one-sided argument.

"Pete, I'll handle this." With a grateful nod, Pete waves to Liz and bolts out of her office, hastily shutting the door behind him.

"May I ask what's going on here?" Jack asks as calmly as possible.

"Well, my office is a mess, I can't find anything I need in order to do my job and I want to stab pretty much everyone I see."

"So what else is new?" Liz scowls in response and carefully eases herself onto her chair. After overhearing her earlier interaction with Pete, Jack realizes that a more calming, but not patronizing, tactic is probably needed when attempting to reason with Liz when she's in this mood. "You do seem a bit on edge."

"Well, _duh_." Jack crosses over to her desk and leans his hip on it casually. Liz looks up at him and asks, "Hey, you're important. Maybe you can talk to those idiots and make them do what I say."

Jack stares at her blankly before saying, "Liz, they already are doing everything you ask. TGS ratings are up 3%, the staff has never worked with such efficiency and HR hasn't reported any instances of Tracy sexually harassing the Hispanic custodians in weeks."

"Oh." She says, scrunching up her face in confusion. "Really?"

"Yes. Congratulations, Liz – your pregnancy has transformed you into a Machiavelli-like manager and, as a result, your staff is terrified of you."

"Yay me?" She asks with a false upbeat sense of enthusiasm.

"For now, yes. But I fear if you continue on this route, you may very well have a mutiny on your hands." He exhales and takes a breath before pointedly saying, "I suggest you go away for the weekend."

She scoffs, "I can't do that! I'm saving all my money for the baby and anyplace worth going to requires me to get on a plane and show everybody my feet, which are even grosser now that I'm pregnant…"

"Where I'm suggesting you go is _free_ and doesn't require you to hop on a plane and terrify the public with whatever foot issues you have."

"Really? Where is this magical place?" She asks, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"My home in Connecticut." Before Liz has a chance to protest, Jack continues. "It's peaceful and quiet. Exactly what you need to…take the edge off."

"Don't you have a date tonight? How are you going to explain having a pregnant lady at your home to your lady friend?"

"Firstly," he says smoothly, unperturbed by her question, "my place is large enough that whatever guest I bring would probably never even see you. Secondly, I only bring potential lovers to my apartment in the city. If tonight goes well, as it should, you won't see me tonight and you'll have my staff and home all to yourself."

"Jack…"

"Liz, this is not up for debate. For the health of your baby and your show, I'm ordering you to spend the weekend at my house. My car will be waiting outside the studio once the show wraps." Liz is utterly surprised when he bends down and gives her a chaste kiss on the forehead. "Okay?"

Her breath catches in her throat at his uncharacteristic display of affection and it succeeds in preventing her from voicing any additional objections to his request. "Yeah. Sure." With a satisfied smile, Jack backs away and exists her office, leaving Liz utterly confused as to how Jack has immersed himself even more in her life than usual.


	3. Chapter 3

**Month 6:**

Weekends at his Connecticut home become an unexpected and confounding part of her life. Between his butler who caters to her every need and his housekeeper who dotes on Liz the entire time she's there to make sure she's comfortable, she's pretty overwhelmed by living with this kind of luxury. As for Jack, he usually doesn't come back home until Saturday afternoon and then they have dinner together in his large, immaculate kitchen. Afterwards, they'll usually watch a movie before they both retire to their separate rooms. This arrangement with Jack is, sadly, her most functional example of living with a member of the opposite sex to date.

These weekends are also not helping her efforts to curb the blinding and escalating affection she's developed for him, but she doesn't know how she can put a stop to their dynamic without revealing her feelings entirely. So she goes along with these weekend plans and strives to be as calm and nonchalant as possible. But every Friday night, when she knows he's out boffing some random chick, it leaves her frustrated and annoyed. And sometimes, those feelings carry over to the next morning and Liz stays in her bedroom, afraid that Jack will totally catch onto her jealousy and then the jig (and awesome weekends) will be up.

During one of those Friday nights, she is on his couch in the living room watching the _Real Housewives of Beverly Hills_. Since Jack is away, she allows herself to get as comfortable as possible, which is why she's currently balancing a carton of ice cream on her protruding stomach while lounging in ratty PJs fit for a hobo.

She's too busy loudly heckling the narcissistic women on the show that she doesn't hear Jack come in.

"Oh, come on, Kim, do you _really_ need that fifth glass of wine?" She yells at the screen, when Jack strolls in.

"Ah, am I interrupting?" Jack smirks and Liz quickly scrambles for the remote when she hears his voice.

"Sorry, Jack. When you're not here, I usually watch TV in the guest room…but since it just started snowing, I wanted to sit here because this room has the best view…"

"Lemon, I'm not upset. I told you to make yourself at home while I'm away." He chuckles, sitting down beside her. He pauses before turning to her and saying lowly, "And, actually, the master bedroom has the best view in the house." Liz, caught off guard by his reference to his bedroom, immediately flushes at the unexpected remark. "Would you like to see it?" He asks, cutting off whatever ineffectual statement she was about to utter.

This shocks her even more. "Um…"

Ignoring the utter surprise written all over her face Jack explains, "I've noticed that despite staying here, you still seem a bit…frustrated. And I think I figured out why that is." He studies her closely and exhales, before declaring with a sly smile, "You're horny."

"What?" She scoffs. "That's ridiculous. _You're_ the horny one. I've never been horny in my life."

"Protest all you want, Lemon, all the signs are there. You're easily irritable, snap at every occasion, you turn to food to quell your urges…" He says calmly, after gesturing to the ice cream carton on her stomach. "I did some reading on the subject on my way over here. Apparently, a heightened sex drive is a common symptom during the second trimester of pregnancy." He takes her newfound inability to speak as an opportunity to remove the ice cream and sets it on the table before inching dangerously close to her and rumbling lowly, "This is supposed to be one of the happiest times of your life, Liz. Let me help you enjoy it."

"By having sex with me? Doesn't that go above and beyond traditional friendship duties?"

"Perhaps. But you hardly strike me as a woman who worries about adhering to tradition." A part of Liz is still convinced that he's pulling some kind of sick joke, but when he places a hand on her knee, she is finally convinced that he is, indeed, very serious.

"Oh boy…Jack, we can't…we can't do this." She stammers, her eyes wide with shock and fixated on the large hand touching her thigh.

"I see no reason why we can't. You're overthinking this, Liz." She makes the mistake of briefly looking at his mouth, which Jack takes as silent permission to move in closer, his lips millimeters away from her own.

Right before his lips make contact with hers though, she shakes her head and pushes him away. "Jack, you can't possibly want this. I'm as fat as I've ever been, my movement is extremely limited and I haven't shaved my legs in days because I can't reach…"

Obviously not one to be easily discouraged, Jack says, "Well, first, I can help you with that too. We can take a bath together and go from there." He leans in close, his lips brushing against hers gently. "Give me one good reason why we shouldn't do this and I'll stop."

Liz knows there's only one very good reason why this shouldn't happen – the reason being, of course, that's she's already partly in love with him. And if she's learned anything from that stupid Ashton Kutcher/Natalie Portman movie, is that you can't have emotionless sex with a friend. And, Liz is pretty sure the second Jack touches her, the raging pregnancy hormones will make her not so latent feelings for Jack skyrocket.

Meanwhile, Jack is staring at her expectantly, obviously awaiting some sort of verbal protest. "Um, well…." He's continuing to look at her – his face is an interesting combination of lust and amusement – and Liz realizes she can't say anything without giving herself away.

Luckily, Jack finally puts her out of her misery and offers a possible reason for her himself. "You could say you're not attracted to me I suppose, but neither of us would believe that." He smirks.

"What about the fact that you're not attracted to_ me_?" Ah-ha – she finally found a legitimate reason to put a stop to this insanity, but Jack remains undeterred.

"To be honest, Lemon, your growing breasts have been a matter very much on my mind as of late."

"What?" She asks, with a nervous, shaky laugh.

"It would be a shame for them to go to waste-"

"Yeah, you do realize they're gonna feed a kid."

"Also, I've never made love to a pregnant woman before-"

"Probably a good reason for that-"

He ignores her interruption and presses on, "So, in short, my healthy desire to have as many new sexual experiences as possible, coupled with your growing endowments, and - of course - my altruistic desire to help out my best friend…are all very legitimate reasons supporting why I want to do this."

She lets out an exasperated sigh as Jack pulls her into her lap and begins peppering her neck with hot, insistent kisses. Yeah, there's no way she's getting out of this. She peers down at him and tugs on his hair to get his attention.

"So the goal here is to get me to stop being all grouchy and get you to see what big pregnancy knockers feel like?"

Jack smiles as his hands around her back slowly drift to her chest and he cups her there. "Well, we've just accomplished the second part of your statement." He gently kneads the ample flesh in his hands before whispering softly against her lips, "Now, I plan on spending a good deal of time on the first."

The most unexpected thing about sex with Jack, she finds, is that for once he never makes her feel like she's doing everything wrong. He's surprisingly gentle and encouraging, which makes her even more convinced that this time has to be the last. This is something she plans on telling him the moment she gets her breath back.

"So. Pregnant lady sex is one thing you can officially cross that off your sex bucket list."

Jack chuckles, as he also tries to catch his breath. "It was actually fairly enjoyable. Even though I did all of the work."

She shoots him an annoyed glare and huffs, "I told you I am tired and heavy."

"I'm not complaining, Lemon." He swivels his head to look at her before adding, "I'm happy I was able to satisfy you."

She nods. He did more than satisfy her, but that's information that she must keep to herself. She figures this is a good time to leave – snuggling with Jack Donaghy is a definite no-no – so she mutters, "So. I think it's time I said goodnight." She awkwardly sticks her hand out for him to shake and he frowns at her disapprovingly.

"I'm certainly not going to _shake your hand_ after what just transpired between us. And you don't have to leave…"

"No, trust me, I should sleep in my own bed. I snore and kick and it's pretty awful. So, guest room it is." She awkwardly attempts to get out of bed, but the weight of her stomach prevents her from getting up on her own. After not one, but two failed attempts to stand up, she sighs in defeat and extends her hands up in the air. "Um…can you help me out here?"

Jack dutifully rises from the bed and uses both hands to lift Liz up from the mattress. She falls into his arms inelegantly and he helps her right herself. Satisfied that she's now steady on her feet, Liz bends down slightly to retrieve her discarded robe that's draped across the chair and the second she does so she feels a sudden light slap against her ass.

She gasps in surprise and turns around, only to find Jack smirking. "Sorry, couldn't resist." Rolling her eyes, she makes her way to the doorway before Jack calls out to her, "Oh and Lemon," upon hearing her name, she casts a look over her shoulder and instantly blushes when hears him murmur lowly, "we could do that again. Anytime you want."

She laughs nervously, "No. Nope. I mean, thanks…but once is good. I think my lady business is very happy right now and it will be until it has a baby to push out. Then it will probably hate me forever." She cringes, and her awkward attempt to be blasé over this whole sex with Jack thing and with a terse nod she mutters, "Anyway, I'm good."

The second she exists his bedroom and hastily shuts the door behind her, she grimaces to herself because even_ she_ doesn't believe her stupid comment. And, what's worse, she's pretty sure Jack doesn't either.


End file.
